orgasmatron

you can always rely on channel four for some good, pointless television. tonight's programme on the 'orgasmatron' *, a spinal probe device that directly stimulates the spinal cord in an attempt to overcome female orgasm dysfunction, was interesting. i think i actually learned something, but we'll have to see.

this is also a good opportunity to post a picture of the exasperatingly pretty girl who mentioned to me that the program was on:



so then, several notes:

i) the first advert break contained one for herbal essences (whose entire campaign is based on the substitution of 'orgasmic' with 'organic', and - bizarrely - talking monkeys) shampoo, and then one for lindtt chocolates. i had to laugh.

ii) apparently there are some women who can induce their own orgasms purely by the power of their mind. train journeys need never be dull again.

iii) if you can find a transcript of this program anywhere; read it. its hilarious.

iv) not even the experts (both legitimate scientists and 'sexologists') know exactly what happens during the female orgasm. one paper they mentioned cited twenty-six different types of female orgasm, but still wasn't confident that they'd identified them all. twenty-six?!? men have two, and one of those is with the lights on.

v) that's my tie in the picture.


a brief description of the procedure, currently in trial stage but with continual improvements, firstly consists of penetrating the spinal cord with an electrode. the positioning of this probe is, naturally, all-important and needs to be extremely precise to induce orgasm and to avoid merely stimulating the legs or buttocks. the user is then given the equivalent of a power pack, which regulates the frequency and amplitude of the signal being fed into their spinal cord. if - if - the probe has been placed correctly, orgasm can then be induced by the correct and continual adjustment of the frequency and amplitude of the signal. in many cases, it was reported that the genital stimulation was extremely sensitive to the signal control and could simply and unexpectedly disappear. in one test couple, the woman was dleighted to recieve her first orgasms, both single and multiple. in another case, three full days of experimenting with the fine controls of the orgasmatron failed to produce a single orgasm.


as i see it, then:

a) extremely exacting probing.
b) complex series of stimulation adjustments.
c) no guarantee of success.

sounds about right to me...

n.

*anyone who has watched the film 'orgasmo' will know of such a device already. that, and hamster-style kung fu. what a great film!